Sunday, March 20, 2016

writing again.

For months now, maybe it's been a year or so, the Lord has been pressing on my heart again and again to write. To be honest I haven't felt worthy enough to share anything I have to say. I feel like the person I have been these past couple of years is no where near the person who started this blog three years ago and shared the truth of Jesus. And, to be honest, the last time I wrote I was called to share the deepest, most raw parts of my story in front of 1,000 people, so a small part of me has been avoiding it to say the least.

Now I sit in my new home of Dallas, Texas after a year and a half of living in New York City. I have a fridge instead of a styrofoam cooler, no rats living under the sink, and a DISHWASHER. You could say I'm living the dream.

A lot has changed since this blog was first written. Four states, three jobs, yet still the same God who has blessed me abundantly. I can't even begin to describe the mistakes I've made, the friends I've lost, and the discontentment that I have let take over me so many times when my savior has given me everything I need. {Jehovah Jireh}

I'm not exactly sure why the Lord has brought me back to writing, as I feel completely inadequate to share such holiness, but here I am. Here we all are - broken, lost, afflicted, yet we all can run to Jesus. Even better, He chases us. He encourages us to come, all who are heavy laden, and He will give you rest.

Maybe someone needs to read that. Maybe someone needs to know no matter what you've done or where you've been, you are loved beyond measure. You are sought after, cared for, pursued. We are so undeserving yet He loves us unconditionally.

It's insane, this thing called faith. How you can believe in something you cannot see...but I see Him. I see Him in sunrises, in harvest moons and moments when you sit there stunned thinking "how can we not believe there's a God?"

You can argue science, you can argue coincidence, but I see Him. He's here.

I saw Him on the corner of 7th and 23rd after six months of living jobless in New York City when they called offering me the dream job. I saw Him in a Family, not by blood but by choice, of men and women who taught me how to trust and love again. I saw Him as my best friend's lives flashed before my eyes when their car plunged into a ditch yet no one was hurt. I saw Him in that stranger who handed me a kleenex and a smile after a traumatic episode of nearly getting kicked off a train in the middle of Hungary because I lost my ticket...but there was grace and there was Jesus protecting me, again and again in all kinds of situations, big and small.

You have to look. You have to keep looking for light in the darkness. You have to keep going even when it's hard. There is a God and He is here and He's not going anywhere.

Keep seeking and you will find...

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